big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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