I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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