so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
