I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
