Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
