how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
