bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am one with the molecules
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
