her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
