My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
