remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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