he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
