I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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