Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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