My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
