some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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