It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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