Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
