That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
