It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
