Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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