This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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