a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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