____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
