You made me cry and you don't even care
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
