Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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