I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
