problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
