She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
