Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
