I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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