I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
