I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
