My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
