nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
