The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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