She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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