the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
