I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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