Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I love having hate sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
