I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
