You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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