I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Enjoy the penises
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
