And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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