sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
