My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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