she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i out mim tonsoeep
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
