Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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