Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
