just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
