I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
