WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
