I think I am morally bankrupt
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize