i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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