she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
