when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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