Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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