Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
