get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
