You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
