So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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