Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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