you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
