In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
