god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
