My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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