You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize