The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
