This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
