your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
