If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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