i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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