She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
