So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
