the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You need Xanax blowdarts
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
