We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
