He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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