I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
