was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
